To be quiet and still
A long and slender shadow at the break in the curtain, Pat watched the comings and goings in the street uneasily. His heart racing, reflecting over how far he had come. Tearing down the stereotypes and spitting out the shadows in which hid behind the curtains of self-doubt. Family, let’s break it down: Feeling, a mutually infused love, and the y is noticing that it is yours. I wasn’t the most popular in my family, intelligent or even outspoken. What I was though, was creative and intrusive. Family and friends always favoured my siblings, for example: weddings, my brother was always the best man, or my sister was bridesmaid. I should have been bitter about this, however, my encouragement lied in my father. When my grades were poor, my father would always drill into me: stick to your strengths. At first it was understanding that inadequacy stemmed solely from a popularity status, and also gaining a wider perspective on developing my emotional intelligence.
My heart lied with instruments, books and creating and developing myself to become a better version of myself. In fact it was Larry Smith in 2011 that said: Passion is the thing that will help you create the highest expression of your talent. Somebody once said to me: why am I here? For approval, for community or even just because the community I surround myself with makes me feel safe. When will I get to the point where I say I am happy with who I am and blessed without validation. When will I feel confident to say: it’s not where my siblings are, but where I am and where I stand that defines me.
I learnt very quickly that there were two types of people in this world: the analytical, in which were accountants, GPs and so on and the other kind were people like me, creative and those kinds were most put down, but went on to become C.E.Os and leaders. No one expected me to pass the fortresses of school, kick through the walls of A-Levels and smash through the glass of University on to my own company and married to the women who developed me both in maturity and success. What I learnt from this was that family and friends, with their words are not what holds you back, you are. Picture it like this: the paths we take are influenced by not those around us, but what we ourselves see and are influenced by. For example: a kid who grows up around drugs, is not destined to take drugs, each child hits the age where the choice is his or hers and if they decide not to take them, or even to take them it’s their choice. It’s called acknowledgement. We can easily join this blame culture, or we can understand that every decision is our own decision.
I taught myself to play instruments, I learnt the true value of sacrifice for success. When me and my wife got together, while everybody else was buying designer clothes and hitting clubs, we were wearing hand-me-downs and living with her parents. It was tight and at times mentally exhausting, but we began to understand the true value of i’ll say again: sacrifice for success. I won't lie, the thorns I had to overcome were challenging, my Ego, pride, self-worth and feelings towards myself were defecating sometimes, however, someone once said: Take my eyes off the exhaustion, and see the finish. To truly succeed is to see the success before we arrive.
Basketball, bass guitar, singing, youth leading at church, family looking at me in higher esteem, my own business, a beautiful wife, my son, my house, God built me my empire and now I understand why I had to suffer the internal trials I had. To be grateful for the blessings I have now. Imagine if I was the most popular or esteemed even, what would have been the lesson. What this has demonstrated is that validation is not what makes you, I never received validation, so what is your answer for me? I just saw the portrait when the painter had a blank page.
Yes I was lonely sometimes and weren't the most “lit” at house parties, but this gave me the chance to grow in my observations and differences of the crowds I surrounded myself with. This is not to boast, this is to show you that to overcome, is to lose our drive towards appraisal, and to rise on the belief we have in ourselves. As a teen this was not simple, but as I grew, the simplicity of it was overwhelmingly easy to understand. I began reading when me and maths wouldn’t get on, to sing when I was alone and to break down the doors of isolation that kept me locked inside. Imagine having family and friends around you but not being able to fit in, or feeling invisible. I was that leaf that fell from the tree and couldn’t land before the wind carried me away.
This story is to show you that no matter what I or anyone else has been through, OWN IT. Now I can talk to people of all backgrounds and understand that none of my friends are different. They are all friends. My dad’s encouragement, my mum’s D.I.Y skills, and my influence I chose to take from each of them.
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